Grrr....... How come when I CAN sleep, I CAN'T? Ethan is sleeping well right now, and I lied down for about an hour and I can't fall asleep!!!!! I know as soon as he wakes up hungry he probably is going to have a repeat of last night and be almost screaming most of the night. Well, I don't know that, but considering that I can't get any sleep right now it seems pretty much inevitable.
Loren had a really good day at work, thankfully. The program he has been making is working really well. Or at least whatever he's doing is going well. I don't understand most of what he is talking about. Most people without at least a few years in a computer science degree program wouldn't! I was really glad because when he got home he was willing to take Ethan for quite a while. I ran to the store and got some groceries. Hee, hee.... I was a mean wife and mom though; I noticed Ethan needed to be changed while I was feeding him right before I left, but I waited till I was just about out the door to tell Loren that he might need to be changed. It's so nice when I can go for an hour or so and even just getting groceries alone is relaxing now. Before I had Ethan I was awfully clingy to Loren and I didn't want to do anything alone. It was hard enough just being home alone. Now though it's a treat to just go get groceries! I can feel some of the hormones starting to even out in my body and that certainly helps too. When I knew I could go into labor at any time was when I was the most clingy.
(Disclaimer: this paragraph doesn't really fit in this order, but I don't really care!)Last night was pretty horrendous. Ethan started screaming at about 1:30 and didn't stop until around 7. Wow... I was wondering what on earth I'd done to make him so mad half the time, and why I couldn't make it better the other half! Thankfully, my mom in her wisdom has told me enough times that I won't forget, that sometimes babies just cry. DO THEY EVER! Holy cow! You would have thought I was torturing him if you'd heard it! He wasn't hungry(well, except for when he really was every few hours), he didn't need to be changed, he wasn't uncomfortable(at least not on the outside, though I suspect some gastric pain was involved), he wasn't anything I could fix. That was the hardest part. He took a binky the first time I ran out of options for a little while, but after he ate again he wouldn't even take that. Finally, I took him in the bathroom and ran the shower water and he calmed right down. I think the fact that he had been screaming for almost six hours had something to do with his going right to sleep though. He does like the sound of the shower. And he loves taking a shower. Not exactly what I'd expect, but if it works, I'll take it! He practically goes to sleep every time we give him a shower. I need to take a shower for myself now. I'm well rinsed, but my hair needs some attention.
I really should do some cleaning while I can't sleep, but I just don't have the energy. I'm not awake because I'm not tired. If I don't get enough sleep I don't make enough milk. So I feel like all I've been doing lately is feeding Ethan and sleeping. Oh, and trying to calm him when he's upset. And changing him. And trying to remember to eat enough. That's why it was so nice to go to the store myself tonight. I didn't even get dressed. I shouldn't stay in my jamas during the day, but it's hard/uncomfortable to nap with Ethan if I'm wearing jeans or khakis. And if I'm going anywhere at all during the day(well, planning on going anywhere) I do get dressed up a bit and I don't let my appearance go. But if I'm just going to be trying to get sleep... come on... would you get out of your jamas? If someone comes to the door... oops... but that's such a rare occurance right now that I'm not too worried.
I got pears tonight! I'm not sure what a good price on pears is, but they were .99/lb so I grabbed a few. I haven't had a fresh pear in a long time. I love them though! So I'm excited about that. I also got some oranges, and some bananas, salad stuff(lettuce, tomato, etc.), a bunch of juice and some whole grain white bread. I don't know if that is really all it's cracked up to be healthwise, but it's good and it's got to be better than normal white bread. I couldn't find any rice milk at Macey's though... so I guess I'll have to go to the health food store before I can have my cereal again. This whole non-dairy thing is pretty rough. I found some of those advent calendars with a piece of chocolate behind a flap for each day, and I grabbed two, but I know I can't have any of mine. How am I going to live without chocolate for a minimum of three months?!?!? Ah!!! I'm hoping I can figure out something, but from what I've found so far, non-dairy chocolate stuff isn't very appetizing. The crazy thing would be if I started to like a non-dairy diet. Hah... like that would happen! It might almost kill me though if I have to stay off dairy stuff until he is weaned. I should be able to phase some things back in a little(occasional chocolate will definitely be the first of course) over time. But if he reacts badly to it... well... I don't want to think about that.
I finally figured out what all I'm going to do for Loren for Christmas. That has been quite the project. He has one big thing he wants but it has a pretty big price tag. I think I found a way to be able to get it though. It isn't a just for fun thing either... so a bigger price tag is justifiable. I'm also getting him a few smaller things, but I think he's going to like everything he gets. I don't want to put any specifics on here just in case he decides to read this. Everyone is taken care of on my side. We have Laren's family for Loren's side, so we need to figure out what to do for them. But other than that, all the planning is done. I need to buy some of Loren's things still... but I know what I'm getting. Ethan is taken care of. I don't think Loren has thought too much about what he's doing for me... but it can definitely wait till after his deadline at work, and till after finals. His problem will be that I'm so picky, but I can't make up my mind either. I usually buy most of my own presents... but this year I really want surprises. But I'm still so picky... my pickiness has been one of the frustrations of my grandma and mom since I was pretty young I think. Maybe even more family than that. I figure though that we have been married for over two and a half years and he knows me well enough by now to be able to pick things that I'll like. All the presents he has ever gotten me have been wonderful, so I shouldn't worry so much. Also, he was going to get me something, and he kind of gave it away and I guessed what it was. As soon as I figured it out, I decided I didn't want it(I know it doesn't make sense, I don't understand it either!). If he hadn't hinted though I would have loved it. So that is the other problem. But it is also a good thing because as long as he keeps it secret till Christmas, I'll love it!
We decided that we aren't going to be able to make it to his family's Christmas Party. I was thinking we might, but we will probably be blessing Ethan the next day, KJ's Eagle Court of Honor is the next day, and I don't know the roads. I definitely don't want to drive on a road I don't know with unpredictable weather. Especially not where I would have to drive the whole way, and Ethan will only be seven weeks. It would be really bad too if we couldn't get back for some reason. Plus, I don't want to have another Christmas where we are on the road so much. I did that year before last and I felt sick to my stomach anytime I got near the freeway. That was a hard decision to make since we didn't go to Thanksgiving because Ethan was sick. But I guess since both holidays were down here last year, it works. It's just one of those hard choices. I don't even know if we could make it back in time for sacrament meeting if we left right after the party. Especially having to drive in the dark a lot... again, on an unfamiliar road.
Ok... I"m about typed out now. I really like being able to have this. I won't put anything really personal up, but it's sure nice for the day to day and for some feelings. And I sure would rather type than write any day!!!! Well, for anyone still reading... Good night!
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